My biggest wish

You would have been 61 today. My biggest wish is that you could have stayed.

What did we do last year this day? What will I be doing next year this day? Someone asked me about next year. I know they meant well. I also realized lately how one must bear certain moments alone such as grief.

One young pastor and his wife lost their first born twin boys at birth. They subsequently have two girls and one boy. Someone said that God compensated them.

I listened at that time and thought it wasn’t right to say that. No loved ones can be substituted. Each life is precious on its own just being a life. I believe God treasure every life.

For that matter, don’t try to assume anything to fill up the void. In the grief over the loss of a loved one there’s nothing and no one who can replace him or her. Every one must only handle his own loss and grief in ways only he can.

What shall I do next April? When Spring arrives? I shall come with the same flowers she loves. Talk to the beloved in heaven and talk to God in heaven.

Having thought through this, I can see that this journey is more for me to reconcile with my life parts that fell apart due to the sudden onslaught of sadness which I never thought could have happened.

2024-04-05

Random notes on the subject of death and life span:

David aptly described the shortness of life. He only lived until 70.

Psalm 144:4 Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.

David described his wish for long life even though he knew no matter how long a man’s age may be, it’s like just one breath compared to eternity with God.

He also recognized the more important finished line, that is being with God forever.

Psalm 21:4 he asked life from You, and You gave it to him–length of days forever and ever.

Psalm 23:6 and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

How did another psalmist handle the inevitable question of death? Trust God to know best, even to death.

Psalm 48:14 For this is God, our God forever and ever; He will be our guide Even to death.

Summary: Bearing grief is a personal and very private experience which gradually runs its course. Every one has his own definition and purpose of long life. God guides each individual when we ask Him and trust Him.